I'd like to take a moment to explain the meaning behind my newest painting, Things I've Lost.
If you haven't heard Taylor Swift's song 'Last Kiss', I wouldn't unless you want your heartstrings tugged until they fray. The one section that always has me break into tears goes like this:
"So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I'll feel you forget me like I use to feel you breathe
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are
And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
We can plan for a change in weather and time
I never planned on you changing your mind
So, I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss
I never thought we'd ever last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss, forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips, just like our last"
Now obviously this song is about heartache and how much she misses the relationship she had with the one she loves. I took this concept and applied it to what's been going on in my head for the past three years, how much I miss what I had and I want it back someday. This is how I came up with the words 'love' and 'courage'.
Love and courage are two things I've been lacking for a while now and I don't want that to be so. I know how it feels to lose something and have to go on in life without it, as much as you really don't want to. I made a decision that I regret but I know I will better from it in the long run.
Love and courage are two things that are very hard to achieve, and even harder to receive from someone. They are two things that if you go through life without them, there isn't much to live for and life will be boring. Everyone strives for love, everyone strives for the courage to do things they want to do.
I lost those two things, and I want them back some day. That is why I painted this. I miss the person in my life that made me feel like I could have those two things for as long as I live. I miss what we shared, and I miss being able to say their name and see a smile on their face when I say it. It still brings a smile to mine when I do, as much as my heart aches.
I want this painting to be a reminder to myself and anyone else feeling lost in the world right now that everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay it's not the end. I have to keep going to get what I want, and I will get it. I promise myself.